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"STELLA MOMENTS", and after confiding some of these secret embarassing moments with family and friends, (after they had finished rolling around on the floor, tears rolling down their faces, laughing their heads off), they said I should write a book about them! Hmmm!
So instead I thought I would throw them out into the Universe for all to read. Reason being? Well, I have discovered over the years, that everyone else is having secret embarrassing moments, but they are too embarrassed to share them!
Yell it from the roof-tops I say!
Now I must add. This "China" story at one time made me cringe so much I was not able to discuss it, but after a while, time seems to blend away the sharp image, and replace it with more of a "clouded" view of what really happened. Either that, or my dignity went with it! Anyway, the story remains the same!
A few years back DH (Dear Hubby) and I went on a 2 week trip to China. It was a business trip, wrapped up in a holiday. Business being 1 day out of the 2 weeks !
(ha ha). As you can imagine, coming from Australia, China would be a very different culture, and we were really looking forward to checking out the Far East!
Let's just say it was an eye opener!
A very different experience to our laid back Aussie Culture.
China is a very busy place, with very busy people.
Anyway, being a very dignified Aussie girl, very private, very proper, I have to make a private admission. When I go on holiday, my whole routine gets mucked around.....
You know what I mean? Not the home routine....my, let's just say, toilet habits! (Don't laugh, we all have them!)
Anyway, when I go on holiday, my bowels seem to take the wrong plane, and end up somewhere else....like lost luggage!
So I'm in China, and they are in....well who knows!
So after 4 days....(stay with me people), of eating 3 meals a day (chinese food by the way, no western culture....and I mean bugs on a stick, frogs, snails, snake, dog, rat...you name it!) The earth was in imminent danger. I needed to go.....and had a backlog of work to do...if you get my drift.
So, we are in a posh hotel in China, and I use my posh toilet in china, (actually it was a bidet...great!) Now what I forgot to mention to you all earlier, is that you can imagine the plumbing in China would be difficult, due to the overwhelming number of people living in one area. So the plumbing in not like in Australia. Infact, alot of high rise buildings (which there are many), have a local public toilet at the end of the block for all the public to use, in place of having private toilets in their own homes!.....I guess it saves on more plumbing!
Anyway, needless to say, that night I blocked China.
That's right.....the whole of China.
I could not flush, it would not flush, it did not flush, there was no flush.....!
"oh dear"
Not only did it not go down, it came up!
All the way to the rim!
Remember the song...."I just died in your arms tonight"? Well that was me.
As a perfectionist, the most awful thing in the world to happen to you, is allowing other people to see your vulnerability shine through.
It was late at night, and I was tired, on so many levels! But I could not go to bed knowing the toilet bowl would not flush and be free. So running out of the bathroom and yelling to DH (Dear Husband) to help me, he just rolled over and said shut the lid and get to bed, we have a long day tomorrow....(we were booked on a tour!). He also suggested that I put the lid down, wait 10 minutes and try flushing again...that would work! Did I mention DH, doesn't always stand for Dear Husband? Anyway.....
I did just that, every 10 minutes, until about 2 o clock in the morning! Begging..Pleading....Crying.....Please flush! Please Flush! PLEASE FLUSH!!!!
But NO. China was blocked!
I went to bed....not sleeping well at all. And was up earlier than usual getting ready to walk the Great Wall of China for the day. I grabbed my laptop out, and googled "Blocked Toilet, in English", as the Chinese do not speak much English, even in big Hotels. So as I am learning "Blocked Toilet in room 12" in Chinese, I am busting for the morning toilet run, and have to bolt downstairs to reception to announce to them....."Duset, she she". Which roughly means toilet block thank you! (Thanks Google)
After 5 minutes of quizzical looks from reception, she finally worked out and nodded politely, and in broken English said "we fix".....PHEW!
I went away relieved! But still embarrassed!
We had a lovely day on the Great Wall of China. But the whole event was marred for me....(its my personality type....)
"What will the plumber find when he fixes it"
"Will they know it's me"
"Will they put it on the 6 o clock news"
You know that sort of thing!
So worrying out loud to a Husband that couldn't care less, is NOT the way to go.
He joked all day and had a great time....
"Those shitty Australian's"
"We will have to close our boarders, before they kill the crap out of us"
"Oh Mr Hart What A Mess!"
SIDE STEP.....Isn't God good putting 2 opposite personalities together in a marriage.......! (It's like he's sitting up there in Heaven burning the wings off a fly with a magnifying glass sometimes....!)
DH (Dear Hubby) is Ying! and I am Yang!
Anyway, I tried to see the funny side of it all day long.....it was hard. But at the end of the day, I noticed my anxiety levels rising....
What would we find? Would the police be waiting for us? Were our bags going to be packed at reception with a Taxi waiting?
I had to summon the strength to walk past reception and up to room 12.
Would I be brave and hold my head high? DEFINATELY NO.
I pulled my hat down over my face, wrapped my scarf around by neck and face, and walked briskly ahead down to the elevator.
Room 12......
AHHHHHHHHHH! It was like a clean flowing stream at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, infact birds were singing and the crickets were chirping.....
China was free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, it was free at last!
Stellaaaaaaa!
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